this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
