I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
