I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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