somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
