I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
