Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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