I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
