Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
