her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
