Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
