I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
