Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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