I accidentally had phone sex last night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
