Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
