she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
