You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
are you so shy because you have an std?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
