two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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