Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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