Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
