I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Its about making memories worth repressing
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
being pregnant is like rehab
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
