You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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