My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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