How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Found your dick twin last night
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Text me some of your sweat
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
