Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
