i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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