On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
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What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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