apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
