Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize