I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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