Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
