when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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