First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
