Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
