dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
