the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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