I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
