If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
