I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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