there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
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