Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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