What a fucking waste of an outfit
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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