Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
