I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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