Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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