the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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