You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I met the friendliest cop last night
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
