you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
