We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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