I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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