STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
