i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
