Kiss
Puke
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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