felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
