Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Of course I have a pirate flag
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
