Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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