Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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