My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
