Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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