apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
ttyl tear gas
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
