my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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