You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
