A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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