I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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