Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
