i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
